Wednesday 24 December 2008

more unlucky fried kitten

THE LIFE AND TIMES OF A PENNY

IN 1940
I STARTED MY LIFE
A LONDON DOCKER
BOUGHT FLOWERS FOR HIS WIFE
THEY LIVED IN PLAISTOW
JEFFERSON ROAD
NUMBER 60
THEIR HUMBLE ABODE

I AM A PENNY X 4

I WENT TO LEYSDOWN
TARNISHED BUT CLEAN
I SPENT SIX MONTHS THERE
IN SLOT MACHINES
ACROSS TO MAIDSTONE
IN A WIDOWER’S PURSE
HE SPENT ME WISELY
ON A BOOK OF SAD VERSE

I AM A PENNY X 4

I PAID FOR TOFFEE-APPLES AND CUBAN CIGARS
THE BEANO AND THE DANDY AND MILK CHOCOLATE BARS
PAINTED LEAD SOLDIERS AND LACES FOR SHOES
MY LITTLE BABY COUSIN ENDED UP IN TOULOUSE

THE 1950′S
THEY WERE A BORE
8 YEARS IN BOURNEMOUTH
IN THE BACK OF A DRAWER
I MIXED WITH MOTH-BALLS
CANDLES AND SNUFF
GREASEPROOF PAPER
BUT MOSTLY JUST FLUFF

I AM A PENNY X 4

FORGET THE 50′S
THE DECADE WAS DRAB
BRING ON THE 60′S
GROOVY AND FAB
I WENT TO NIGHTCLUBS
IT WAS INSANE
MEMORIES ROLLING
DOWN PENNY LANE

A LITTLE KID’S COLLECTION IN ”79
THEY COVERED ME IN BRASSO TO GIVE ME A SHINE
WITH THE COINS FROM THE MERSEY AND THE THAMES AND THE TYNE
CHEERS TO ELVIS COSTELLO FOR THE USE OF THAT RHYME

I AM A PENNY X 4

Jeremy Rowling and Andy Export of Unlucky Fried Kitten were chatting about the way things move along in life…well…they were talking about the life of Unlucky Fried Kitten at first…how it had changed and evolved since 1995 when it first leapt out of a box….a metaphorical box, that is. Well…all things change, don’t they? It lead on to them thinking about how certain twists of fate move certain things to certain parts of the world. So…Andy very quickly penned this ditty…as an example. Unlucky Fried Kitten…The Life of an Old Penny




You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 16:15
The penny...a 1940 one...was tracked spiritually by our medium friend in the home counties. The original 1940 can be seen in the UFK photos



Post 3
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 16:48
THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS

WHERE IS VOCATION, ANSWER MY PLEA, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME
NO CELEBRATION, NO CHRISTMAS TREE, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME

THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS…..REPEAT 4 TIMES OR MORE

COLD WINTER EVENINGS, NO REASON TO BE, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME
BARBEQUED REINDEER, BURGERS FOR TEA, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME

STUCK IN MY BEDSIT WITH WIRES AND CABLES THAT SPILL FROM COMPUTERS ON VARIOUS TABLES AND SAT-NAV AND E-BAY AND FACEBOOK AND MORE
TECHNOLOGY SAVED ME BUT I’M SUCH A BORE
I AM NOW

CRIPPLED AND BLEEDING, LAND OF THE FREE, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME
CASHPOINT CONFUSION, WITH MY USER ID, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME

C-DIFF ON THE MATERNITY WARD, CRAP ON TV, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME
BROKEN GUITAR STRINGS, FISH-FINGERS FOR TEA, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME

ADVENT CALENDARS CLOSED WITH THE WINDOWS BOARDED UP
SOMEBODY STOLE ALL THE GLITTERING PRIZES
FAIRIES ARE DANGLING OUT OF THE WINDOWS

OLD CHRISTMAS CAROLS, SUNG OUT OF KEY, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME
WE HANG OUR DELUSIONS, ON A FAKE CHRISTMAS TREE, THIS ISN’T CHRISTMAS FOR ME

ADVENT CALENDARS GONE, FLOATING DOWN THE STREAM
SOMEBODY SCREWED DOWN THE MAKE-BELIEVE SHUTTERS
ANGELS THAT CONGREGATE, SELLING NARCOTICS

STUCK IN MY PARLOUR WITH E-MAILS AND WINDOWS THAT OPEN TO FACES ON HIGHWAYS OF INFO AND MANUALS AND WEBSITES AND BUCKETS OF SPAM
TECHNOLOGY SAVED ME, I AM WHAT I AM
I AM NOW

This new song is a wistful account of what people may or may not be going through over the festive season. Everyone knows that there are more suicides over the festive period than there are at any other time of the year....so...DON'T DO IT



Post 4
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 16:53
MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND
WE DON’T NEED ADVERTISING STRATEGIES TO REMIND US WHAT TO BUY
WE DON’T NEED HOLLYWOOD DIRECTORS TO REMIND US WHEN TO CRY
WE DON’T NEED TO SPOUT TECHNOLOGY TO FEED OUR INSPIRATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

WE DON’T NEED CHEMICALS AND ADDITIVES TO LIFT US TO SUCCESS
WE DON’T NEED FANCY-DAN DIPLOMAS SIGNED IN TRIPLICATE TO IMPRESS
WE DON’T NEED SUPERSONIC ROCKET-SHIPS TO DELIVER US TO OUR STATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND
MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND
MY APPLE MAC IS MY BEST FRIEND

WE DON’T NEED MULTIPLE PERSONAS TO OBSTRUCT US IN OUR MISSION
WE DON’T NEED GROSS CELEBRITY TO OFFER US POSITION
WE DON’T WANT TRAUMA- COMPLEX TO ADMINISTER OUR SALVATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

WE DON’T NEED GUITARS WITH KNOBS ON THAT WILL TEACH US HOW TO PLAY
NO UTOPIAN LEXICOGRAPHERS TO LEARN US WHAT TO SAY
IF HI-TECH IS YOUR COUNTRY’S GOAL YOU’VE GOT A STUPID NATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

IN DAYS OF OLD WHEN KNIGHTS WERE BOLD AND MOPEDS WEREN’T INVENTED
THEY HAD TO RIDE ON HORSEBACK BUT THE BUGGERS WERE CONTENTED
WE DON’T NEED DIALS AND MEDIA FILES OR HIGH-BROW CONVERSATION
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION

OK, I’D BETTER GIVE IT UP COS I’M FEELING SLIGHTLY QUEASY
THE WORDS ARE LONG THE VOICE IS STRONG THE SENTIMENTS ARE EASY
IT’S KINDA TOUGH TO TELL A SCRUFF THE BIG MISTAKE HE’S MAKING
WE ALWAYS USE THE APPLE MAC IN EVERY SITUATION


So...the theme developing is one of computerland in our modern age. I hate it and I love it.
Who gives?



Post 5
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 16:55
FACEBOOK BABY

YOU TALK ABOUT THE NEW YORK DOLLS
YOU TALK ABOUT THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
YOU TALK ABOUT THE ANARCHY
BUT YOU NEVER TALK OF YOU AND ME

YOU TALK ABOUT TECHNOLOGY
YOU TALK ABOUT PSYCHOLOGY
THE SCIENCE OF BIOLOGY
BUT YOU NEVER TALK OF YOU AND ME

WHAT CAN I DO
I LOVE YOU
FACEBOOK BABY
I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

YOU TALK ABOUT THE LACK OF TREES
YOU SAY IT IS A BIG DISEASE
YOU TALK ABOUT THE BUSTED SKY
BUT YOU NEVER TALK OF YOU AND I

YOU TALK ABOUT OUR SHANGRILA
YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR CUTE RED CAR
YOU TALK ABOUT THE CHERRY TREE
BUT YOU AVOID THE ISSUE OF YOU AND ME

WHAT CAN I DO ETC

YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS
YOU TALK ABOUT THE CYBER-TRENDS
YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR ISP
BUT YOU NEVER TALK OF YOU AND ME

YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR WIRELESS MOUSE
YOU TALK ABOUT DIE FLEDERMAUS
YOU TALK ABOUT EQUALITY
BUT YOU NEVER TALK OF YOU AND ME

WHAT CAN I DO ETC





Post 6
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 17:01
A SNAPSHOT OF LIFE AT NUMBER 34

I FLICKED UP THE LATCH ON THE GATE AND I WALKED LIKE A ZOMBIE ON ROUTE TO THE FRONT DOOR. SHE’S A GIRL I LOVED SO DEARLY AND YES SHE LEFT ME AND I’M COMING RIGHT BACK FOR MORE. SHE ASKED ME ROUND FOR CHRISTMAS.GUILTY CONSCIENCE.PROBABLY NOTHING MORE AND I WANT TO SEE HOW SHE’S COPING GET A SNAPSHOT OF LIFE AT NUMBER 34.
THE CATS HAVE GONE,SHE’S CHANGED ALL THE CURTAINS,SHE’S DONE OUT THE HALL WITH LAMINATE FLOORING.NO BEER IN THE FRIDGE,SHE’S PAINTED THE KITCHEN,PRIMROSE AND LIME,EXTREMELY BORING.
THE SHELVES I PUT UP IN THE BATHROOM HAVE DISAPPEARED AND IT’S ALL GONE AMBIENT.MY DVD’S ARE IN BOXES,SHE WANTS ME TO TAKE THEM,I’LL SEND THE NEW GIRL ROUND.I HAVEN’T REALLY GOT ONE BUT SHE DOESN’T KNOW THAT SO I’LL LET HER THINK THAT.THERE’S A SUNBED UP IN THE SPARE ROOM WHERE I KEPT THE GO-KART WITH THE 2-STROKE ENGINE.
MY BOOKS HAVE GONE,THE F-F-FISHTANK IS EMPTY,THE TOILET SEAT’S DOWN,THE LID’S OFF THE TOOTHPASTE,THE WINDOWS ARE CLEAN,SHE’S GOT A PINK LEATHER SOFA,INTEREST FREE CREDIT,OFF THE TV.
AND I WOULD NOT CLIMB THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN FOR YOU,I WOULD NOT TELL YOU LIES COS THAT’S JUST WHAT I DON’T WANT TO DO.AND IF YOU NEED THESE THINGS THEN DON’T CALL ON ME.BECAUSE I WILL BE LONG GONE.
AND I SIT HERE,IN MY ROOM,IT’S WHERE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,TO TALK ABOUT THINGS I CARE ABOUT,IT’S HERE THAT I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT INCARNATION AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,I HAVE THE INCLINATION,TO BE IN ECSTASY,IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’RE SO NICE AND YOU TALKED TO ME WHEN NOBODY ELSE DID AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT LOVELY EYES AND YOU LOOKED AT ME,WHEN NO-ONE ELSE DID.
I KICKED UP THE MOSS ON THE PATH AND I MARCHED LIKE A ROBOT TOWARDS THE GARDEN GATE,SHE’S A GIRL I MISS SO CLEARLY,FUCKING SINCERELY’AND SHE WANTS TO BE MY MATE,SHE ASKED ME IF I COULD FORGIVE HER,NOW THAT I’ NOT WITH HER,AND PUT IT ALL DOWN TO FATE,AND I’M SUPPOSED TO BE GRATEFUL BUT I’M JUST FEELING HATEFUL,UTTERLY TENTH RATE.
MY SELF-ESTEEM HAS GONE UP IN NAPALM,I’VE SEEN THE FUTURE,IT AIN’T TOO PRETTY,IT’S A PLAY FOR TODAY,REALITY SHOWCASE,A KITCHEN-SINK DRAMA,THE NITTY-GRITTY.
AND I WOULD NOT SWIM THE DEEPEST OCEAN FOR YOU,I WOULD NOT RIDE THE RAPIDS IN A CANOE,AND IF YOU WANT THESE THINGS THEN DON’T CALL ON ME,BECAUSE I WILL BE LONG GONE.
THE DOOR SLAMS,THE PHONE RINGS,THE POSTMAN DELIVERS MY MORNING MAIL,THE PAPER BOY SAYS “HELLO ANDY” BUT HE DOESN’T KNOW THAT I’M GOING OFF THE RAILS,THE WORLD CAN TAKE A HIKE,IT’S OH SO UGLY AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,THERE’S NOTHING FOR ME TO LIKE,YOU SEE I WANT TO BE WITH YOU,IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’RE SO NICE AND YOU TALKED TO ME WHEN NOBODY ELSE DID AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE YOU’VE GOT LOVELY EYES,YOU LOOKED AT ME,WHEN NO-ONE ELSE DID.
I BRICKED UP THE DOOR OF MY HOUSE AND I TORE OUT THE PHONE LEAD AND I SMASHED THE TV SET,I PRAYED FOR CONSOLATION,THEN I HEARD CONVERSATION,FROM WITHIN THE KITCHENETTE,I LIT UP AN OLD CHURCH CANDLE AND I TWISTED THE HANDLE OF THE KITCHEN DOOR,SHE’S BEEN THERE,SHE’S IN THERE,I DON’T CARE,MY MIND PLAYS GAMES SOME MORE.
THE WORLD’S GONE MAD,BUT THAT’S JUST A CONCEPT,DESIGNED TO CREATE,MY OWN DEVOLUTION,LIFE IS GAME,AND SOMETIMES YOU LOSE IT,IF YOU DON’T ABUSE IT,YOU’LL FIND SOLUTION.
THERE’S MORE TO LOVE THAN TELLING LIES TO IMPRESS,YOU KNOW THAT I DON’T NEED TO PROVE MYSELF,TO TAKE THE TEST,AND IF YOU WANT ME BABY,TO BE YOUR MAN,JUST CALL ON ME AND I’LL BE ALONG,JUST CALL ON ME AND I’LL BE ALONG,
DON’ T YOU KNOW THAT I DID NO WRONG?

This was written on the London Eye on a sunny...almost yellow-tinted... Wednesday afternoon. As far as I know it's the only song written in minor 7th chord structure.... on the London Eye....on a Wednesday.



Post 7
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 17:04
LIFE ON E-BAY

MY FRIEND I HAVE A STORY FOR YOU SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO
I’M GONNA TELL YOU THE TRUE AND SLIGHTLY SHIVERY
DRAMA OF MY LIFE ON E-BAY I GAVE MY WHOLE LIFE AWAY
WITH ELECTRONIC MAIL ALL ON A 10 DAY SALE
BEGAN WITH APPLES AND PEARS
WENT ONTO TABLES AND CHAIRS
THERE GOES MY EVERYTHING
LIFE ON E-BAY

CAN YOU FEEL THE CHILL IN THE AIR AS YOU SIT BACK IN YOUR CHAIR
YOU GOT SOME MONEY TO SPARE TO SPEND ON CRAZY THINGS
HOW ABOUT AN ALBUM OF STAMPS SOME OLD VICTORIAN LAMPS
I SOLD A DVD TO THE GUY FROM XTC
I GOT SOME ARABIC SCROLLS
WHY DON’T YOU BID ON MY DOLLS
THE LITTLE RUSSIAN ONES
MY LIFE ON E-BAY

YESTERDAY I SOLD SOME LP’S TODAY I’M LISTING CD’S
JESUS AND MARY CHAIN
WILL MY SONIC YOUTH ALBUMS SELL I GUESS YOU NEVER CAN TELL
JESUS AND MARY CHAIN AND SONIC YOUTH AGAIN
AND WHEN THEY SELL LIKE THEY SHOULD
THE FEEDBACK OUGHTA BE GOOD
THAT WAS A MUSIC JOKE
LIFE ON E-BAY

I SOLD MY 1960’S GUITAR I’LL NEVER BE A ROCK STAR
I FLOGGED MY BATMOBILE CAR AND ALL MY AUTOGRAPHS
I’M LISTING ALL THE ASSETS I’VE GOT I’M PHOTOGRAPHING THE LOT
MY CHINA PIGS ARE NICE JUST GOT TO CHOOSE THE PRICE
MY VIOLIN CAN’T BE MATCHED
COS THERE ARE NO STRINGS ATTACHED
GOING GOING GONE
MY LIFE ON E-BAY

FIND OUT WHAT YOU WANT…LIFE ON E-BAY
I SOLD SOME MARY QUANT…LIFE ON E-BAY
GET YOUR DESCRIPTION RIGHT…LIFE ON E-BAY
I SOLD MY GRAN TONIGHT…LIFE ON E-BAY
MY PRINT OF CHAIRMAN MAO…LIFE ON E-BAY
AND YOU CAN BUY IT NOW…LIFE ON E-BAY
THE FAMILY SILVER GOES…LIFE ON E-BAY
THE BIDDING GROWS AND GROWS…LIFE ON E-BAY


Everyone should sell their whole life on e-bay at least once in their life. You will find out how much you are really worth.



Post 8
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 17:07
MYSPACE
MYA IS A MODEL AND SHE LIVES IN SPAIN
A REAL STUNNER AND SO INSANE
EVERYBODY KNOWS HER COS SHE’S ON TV
I’M GONNA BANG HER EVENTUALLY

MAGGIE IS A DOCKER FROM THE NETHERLANDS
A GOOD-LOOKER WITH HAIRY HANDS
SHE’S A DOCKER AND SHE’S GOT TATTOOS
I MET HER ON A FERRY WHEN SHE PUKED ON MY SHOES

THESE ARE PEOPLE I KNOW
ON MYSPACE SAYING HELLO
ONE MORE ACQUAINTANCE TO GO
ON MYSPACE SAYING HELLO

IN THE AMAZON A MYSPACE BAND
THEY PLAY JUNGLE ALL OVER THE LAND
THEY PLAY GORILLA GIGS EVERY NIGHT
BUT THE GROUPIES ARE UGLY AND THEY DEFINITELY BITE

THERE IS A GIRL WHO VISITS NOW AND THEN
EXCHANGING MESSAGES WITH VARIOUS MEN
THERE’S NO PRECAUTION SHE’S THE TALK OF THE TOWN
SHE PICKED UP A VIRUS SO THEY’RE CLOSING HER DOWN

THESE ARE PEOPLE I KNOW ETC

LOOK AT MY SPACE, LOOK AT MY FACE,
CHECK OUT MY PAGE, IGNORE MY AGE
LET’S HAVE A DRINK, SEND ME A LINK
I AM A HUNK, AT LEAST THAT’S WHAT YOU THINK

LOOK IN MY EYE, CAMERAS DON’T LIE
I’M SUCH A GUY, DO YOU LIVE NEARBY
LOOK AT MY CLOTHES, THE SHAPE OF MY NOSE
YOU’RE SUCH A DOLL, SHALL I PROPOSE

Another little song about social net-working.



Post 9
You wrote on 30 October 2008 at 17:10
C J D


I KNOW A GIRL, SHE’S LOST HER MIND
SHE’S GOING DOWN, AND THAT’S CRAZY
HOW CAN I LEAVE, THIS GIRL BEHIND?
SHE’S GONNA DROWN, AND THAT’S MAD
SOMETIMES WE TALKED, ABOUT OUR DREAMS
ABOUT OUR HOUSE, IN THE COUNTRY
WE HEAR THE STRAINS, OF PINK FLOYD
AS WE DRINK, ON THE GRASS

OH I CHERISH THEM, OH I WORSHIP THEM
THE DREAMS YOU GAVE ME
THIS IS A STRANGE LIFE, YOU ARE A GOOD GIRL
I WOULD DIE FOR YOU

AND NOW I THINK, ABOUT OUR PLANS
OUR LITTLE HOME, IN THE COUNTRY
DOWN IN THE PARK, IN THE RAIN
WITH THE TEARS, IN MY EYES
I SEE A STAR, IN THE SKY
AND I CAN TELL, IT IS FADING
AND GIRL I SAY, MY GOODBYE
THIS IS SUCH A BAD DAY

OH I CHERISH ETC

AND NOW WE WALK, IN THE RAIN
I KNOW HER MIND, IS DISSOLVING
IT’S LIKE A TAP, FROM HER BRAIN
I SEE HER MEMORIES, RUN DRY
SHE HOLDS MY HAND, IT’S LIKE A CLAMP
SHE WON’T LET GO, ‘COS SHE’S FALLING
AND I AM STRONG, LIKE A MAN
BECAUSE I CAN’T, LET HER FALL

OH I CHERISH ETC

AND NOW I SIT, IN THE CHAIR
AT HER BED, BY THE WINDOW
I WATCH HER CHEST, RISE AND FALL
THIS IS SUCH A STRANGE DAY
LOOK AT HER FACE, SHE IS CALM
CLOSING HER EYES, SHE IS SLEEPING
I HOPE SHE DREAMS,OF HER MAN AS I WHISPER GOODBYE

There's not a lot I can say about this...because it's just a true story...as some of you may know.



Post 10
Jeremy Rowling wrote on 31 October 2008 at 05:28
some very good stuff here andy



Post 11
You wrote on 31 October 2008 at 10:58
Ah...thank you...and I see now that you have seen the penny discussion.



Post 12
You wrote 27 minutes ago
Hypnotised

There’s a little magic land somewhere inside my heart where we both stay
Yes it is a dream, that much I know, but I still love you anyway
Somewhere in a world of fantasy where broken hearts do not exist
Everybody wants to find this place but I won’t get there ’til we’ve kissed.

You are beautiful in the extreme
You are wonderful to me

I can see the stardust in your eyes, it makes me think of happy times
Every time I see you time stands still, my head fills up with nursery rhymes
Has anybody ever said to you that you have these enchanting eyes?
I don’t even know your name it’s true, but you have left me hypnotised

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